How Ignoring Society's Noise Can Save Your Sanity
Everyone who books a call with me uses one word: burnout…
I’m convinced that the ultimate path to better quality mental health is to ignore all the fruitless stuff that society insists you need to accomplish, experience, and purchase and instead chart your own path.
A surefire way to drive yourself crazy, become ruthlessly judgmental, and be hard to live with is to compare yourself, your marriage, and your children to the lives of your peers.
Once middle school angst kicked in, I began to measure myself against others; this is normal, but when I hit adulthood, this childish habit stuck around. I waged a mighty war to outgrow feeling responsible for other people’s stuff and soaking up the energy of those around me.
People pleasers and workaholics like my former self are good-natured. We are sensitive to the needs of others and have the desire to contribute to the world. Still, far too often, we have the unfortunate habit of putting our needs aside to serve others.
Before putting my foot down, I always had at least one chaotic individual in my orbit. When others avoided a calamity full of red flags, I dove right in; hence I was the perfect complement for a hot mess. The trouble is, the world is full of hot messes. Fueled by guilt and worry, these tornados will crush your happiness and self-care rhythms if you let them.
In a dysfunctional work environment, you’ll always see the people-pleasers hovering around ground zero as their mental health becomes the sacrificial lamb
As for me, my heroic efforts at service came from the virtue of a big heart. At least, that’s the lie I told myself. If you’re like me, you may use this trait as a crutch. Perhaps you are so used to serving others that you feel guilty for even thinking about your secret dreams and ambitions, let alone talking about them.
This routine is a cop-out—sorry to be a buzzkill.
The bottom line is that burnout results from misaligned priorities and insecurity. People rationalize these self-defeating behaviors, leading to a predictable cycle of overwhelm and exhaustion. You've got a calm demeanor at work, but you freak out on your kids for doing stuff that all kids do. You blame your partner or accuse them of being unsupportive rather than dealing with your chronically low self-esteem. You feel like you need the margarita now rather than casually enjoying one. Once you're in the burnout cycle, you may lash out, feel guilty, and pout.
In my case, it turned out that my good-natured, nice guy, friendly self wasn’t so kind, and I would act like a jerk when I over-committed myself.
My coach at the time, Emily, had me take out my calendar while on the phone with her and “feel” the energy around every commitment I had. It turns out I was scheduled so tight I didn’t have a day to relax for over three weeks, and I had completely thrown my wife under the bus because I was running in a thousand different directions. Not only that, but I also had a ton of initial networking meetings where I hadn’t qualified individuals or let them know what my actual ask was for connecting with them. Hence my results were nil.
I’m not shaming people. None of us master this stuff; we must consistently work on ourselves. With practice, you can wake up and learn to use that big heart as a superpower.
I've watched my clients do it, and they take full responsibility for their happiness and get results immediately. It took me a year in coach training to understand that empathy and compassion are not the final destinations of spiritual development.
Peace lies in knowing that grown adults and employers can handle their affairs and that people can care for themselves just fine.
All is well, and there's nothing to be freaked out about—at least nothing you have much control over.
So don’t worry about fixing the world.
Divine intelligence can handle the tough stuff.
Crisis averted.
Are you ready to get clarity on your next move?
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