Doing Scary Things

This past weekend we were invited to a rock climbing gym by some new friends from our street.

I've never been rock climbing, and my first thought was that I would be too chicken to climb. I also had some fear-driven fantasy in the back of my head that I might get to the top and be too afraid to repel down.

That happened once on a ropes course when I was 16, and I remember the shame I felt being stuck up in a tree while a bunch of my friends from my youth group waited for me to climb down.

The instructor talked me down after twenty minutes, and when I got down, he remarked that it was evident that I was scared, but it was pretty courageous to try; many people, he said, opted out of that obstacle altogether.

I've worked with several coaches in the last three years. If I had to sum up the one root fear that comes up over and over when I submit myself to a deep coaching session, it goes something like this.

"I'm not going to be able to do it, and if I fail, they're all gonna laugh at me..."

I've joked with several coaching peers that Adam Sandler's mother was on to something. I can remember listening to Sandler's comedy CDs as a kid with side-splitting laughter as he screamed the iconic mantra,

"Nooooooo! They're all gonna laugh at you!"

It turns out my kids weren't afraid at all. Both Hannah and Ben climbed to the highest points on a wall and repelled down without missing a beat, and they were both natural climbers.

After a few minutes, I clipped in and started to climb, and I was surprised that it wasn't as scary as I thought it would be. I got to the top myself several times. We quickly found out that we all love rock climbing, and we have already purchased a Groupon to go back.

My first go at rock climbing, like so many other experiences in my life, taught me the same lesson.

We should do things that scare us, and we should know that the more afraid we are, the higher the growth potential.

In 2018 I made a job transition that I thought would be perfect for our family. It turns out the role wasn't a good fit, and if I possessed the intuition I have now back then, I would have known that immediately. To be clear, I did know right away; but I didn't trust the part of me that did.

It was high pressure and exhausting. I was physically and emotionally wrecked, but I hung in there for a year and a half, even as I watched four new hires bail from the team before even finishing orientation.

While the role wasn't a great fit, it wasn't a mistake.

It gave me a crystal clear picture of what corporate culture looks like when things go south. It taught me everything I didn't want to become, and it also taught me about the type of leader I will never work for again.

I did a Dave Ramsey debt snowball to firm up my financial situation and got the hell out of dodge. It took me several months to recover from the burnout, but I started dreaming big and creating things.

The result was my coaching company. I showed up to a Life Coaching Intensive unemployed with a journal full of ideas and the outlandish dream of working for myself and writing more.

I bought www.adamstephenscoaching.com, had an attorney friend file my LLC, and started building my passion project. The most impactful part of the whole thing is how much scary stuff I've done.

I was afraid to blog, but I started.

I was afraid to live stream or release youtube videos, but now I have hours of content that is my creative work and intellectual property.

I was afraid to email my entire network and ask for referrals, but I did it anyway, and people responded. They wrote me back with all sorts of kind and supportive words. Some of them paid me to coach them.

None of this would have happened had I not taken big chances and pushed through uncertainty. Uncertainty is everywhere, but building the skillset for consistent breakthroughs will serve you in every area of your life.

So put on a harness. Clip-in and get on whatever "wall" is in front of you.

The people who love you, the only ones who matter, will be there if you fall. They will be a part of the thing you are building, the person you are becoming.

That new version of you is beyond fear.

If your mind says "I can't," then simply tell it, "Shut up and watch me..."

No one, literally no one successful, will judge you when you do something hard. They know how difficult it is to learn a skill, and the best ones won't care if you make a mistake.

So keep showing up, you brave Soul.

You'll inspire the rest of us just by trying.